that friday night feeling

Writing doesn't help; it sorts things out, it clarifies them but they're still there. Eating doesn't help. Working doesn't help because I can't concentrate. My friends are so cheerful that they irritate me, or so down that I feel spoilt in comparison and hate myself for feeling bad. Either that or they try to help and talk to me, which freaks me out and I have to get away. Sleeping doesn't help, because I can't, and when I do I have bad dreams and wake up so fast I might as well have sat awake all night. Drinking doesn't help, dancing doesn't help. Smoking, crying, music, singing, reading, chilling, praying, worship... Only one thing helps and I think about it all the time, way too often, it's not healthy.

I might delete this post tomorrow, when I'm thinking clearly, when I'm feeling a bit lighter. I don't know if I want to hide or cry for help, I think I need to do something though.