*in which fi figures it out*

I've had this ongoing conversation with Tim about the difference between love and infatuation. How is that infatuation feels exactly like love but it's not? If, when you fall in love, you 'just know', and when you're infatuated you think you're falling in love, then what's the difference? How can you say what either of them is?

My conclusion on the topic was that love is when the infatuation ends and you still want to be around somebody. Tim's slightly more useful conclusion was this:
"the difference between infatuation and love is that infatuation is a loving of the feeling the person gives you. love is loving the person."

It rang a bell. Suddenly I had a thought in the back of my mind and I couldn't quite place what it was or where it had come from. Then I remembered Tim's previous email contribution, after telling me to have a good time at church:

"if you find yourself on your own walk up to the nearest person and start showing them how to really love thy neighbour."

Tim, Buddhist as you may be, I often think you've got the measure of this Christianity lark far better than I have.

It's always bothered me, that 'love thy neighbour' bit. Not in the sense that it's difficult to love people, but that it's damn difficult not to hate people. Try as you might, there are people in life that just piss you off and there's not much you can do about it. You can dig out their good points, try to ignore their bad points, smile and nod while they talk but you know that on the inside, below all of your good intentions, you're still thinking "SHUT UP, I HATE YOUR FACE."

Well, maybe that's just me. I know that you can work around it, it is possible to stop yourself from hating someone, to pray good things for them and actually mean it. But you can't make yourself like them. You can't change the fact that your personalities just don't match, that you just plain don't get along. And how can you love someone you don't like? If you act like they're your best mate when there's a part of you that really can't stand them, aren't you just being a raging hypocrite.

But then there's two ways of loving someone. Love can be a feeling they give you, that you have for them, or love can be something you do. Human beings aren't designed to get the warm fuzzies off of absolutely everyone, some people get on better than others. Loving your neighbour isn't loving the way they make you feel it's loving them, caring for them, looking out for them, respecting them, helping them and not saying stuff like 'I hate your face' when you're staring right at it. Or standing behind it for that matter.

After I email Tim back, the train of thought goes like this: Loving my neigbour means loving them, it means love being a verb, not a concept. So it means showing them love. Which is difficult when you can't stand someone, it's something I can be a bit rubbish at but I'm better at it than I was before. So maybe that's just the point: getting better at loving thy neighbour and getting better at loving God. Bonus! Epiphany! Back of the net! Get in! etc.

So inspired am I that I decide to whack open the ol' Bible and have a look see. Recently I've been hauling my ass through the gospels and as I'm looking for today's bit I find this bit in Mark.

You figure it out as you go along when you're a Christian. When it comes to finding out fundamental truths about life, I tend to take the long way round, but I get there. Eventually.