baby, did you forget to take your meds?

I should word this carefully. Coherent thoughts are few and far right now - I guess it's a hazard of the trade.

...If I could string something better than this together than I would.

The last couple of days have been wicked, if hectic. Far too much work, for a start, four essays due in for the beginning of May. Fab.

On the plus, we had Philanthropy at the Forum in Kentish Town, which rocked fucking hard, and meant seeing Tim for the first time since August. Everyone say Hey, Tim!

The other two acts we saw on Friday, Caroline Alexander and Bungalow Zenn, were good, but Not My Thing. Philanthropy put on the most energetic show I think I've ever seen. Plus, there was balloons, and a cover of Boom Boom Boom Boom by the Vengaboys. What a happy girl I was.

The Forum was very pretty, for various reasons.




Saturday was meeting up for a coffee with some lovely people who I don't get to see half as much as I'd like.



My favourite relationships are the ones that consist not of a series of meetings but of one continuous conversation. You'll never reach the end of the conversation, because that takes too much time. Only your spouse, your oldest friend, ever gets to the end of the conversation. Those are the ones where it's enough just to sit, to be near each other, but I'm far too young to have many of them yet. I want conversation, I want people I could talk to forever.

The people I talk the best with seem to be the people I see the least. Cruel fate. I've seen a few of them in the last few days, which makes me a happy bastard indeed.

I've also watched some ace films - Shooting Fish, Ocean's Twelve, Spanglish, High Fidelity, Sliding Doors, Blazing Saddles and The Corporation.

If I needed any more convincing on the topic of 'what to do with my life', then The Corporation was it. That simple. If you haven't watched it, watch it, or if you haven't read it, read it. Or anything my Michael Moore, if you want some humour with it, or anything by Naomi Klein or Noam Chomsky or the good boys down at MediaLens. Get some of that down you and you'll start to see where I'm coming from.

Meanwhile, I'm getting horribly tired again and keep wanting to retreat into my room for hours at a time with no human contact. Luckily there hasn't been much opportunity for feeling sorry for myself, but it begs the question - how much of my mind belongs to me right now?

If I forget my Meds, baby, then I feel it. I really do. Just... shattered. I've managed to get into the habit of taking rather than forgetting them, but this hasn't stopped me feeling decidedly odd recently. I'm better now than I have been for ages - this sadness keeps coming back to me.

So, that's my issue. What's a bad mood and what's depression? What's me and what's my pills? Do I call the doctor and ask to up my dosage everytime I feel shit?

...Or do I pretend that I feel fine, and restart the cycle that caused all this in the first place...