call me irresponsible

I'm listening to: This is my truth tell me yours, Manic Street Preachers (I haven't removed this album from my cd player for about a week now).
I feel: Tired. Deeply in need of a sandwich.
Where am I?: At home, recovering from another lengthy rehearsal. Went well. Our big scene with all the bible-bashing (literally - Venita hits Leon with a copy of the New Testament) actually worked tonight, we got big laughs and my teacher told me I had a gift for comedy. Good stuff, if only I could keep a straight face.

I'm disturbed, I have to say. We have an abundance of AIDS awareness posters around college at the mo, which is fair enough and actually a very good thing. But in the spirit of being topical, the tutorial staff have simultaneously implemented a new sex education course. I'd only just recovered from the trauma of listening to Mrs Leeper talking about her 'first time', and that was years ago. Now it's happening all over again. Bet you the nightmares wil come back.
It's kind of grim getting sex education at 6th form. I know it's probably very necessary and worthy, and many people will benefit as a result of practical demonstrations with Percy the Plastic Penis(TM) but it still repulses me. I could bear it if the teachers weren't involved. Maybe that's the point. Hearing my middle aged tutor talking about the benefits of water based lubricants is the best advert for abstinence I think I've ever heard. They should recruit her to the Silver Ring Thing, she is the anti-aphrodisiac.

D'you think if I put my hand up and said, "I'm a Christian, you know, that whole 'no sex before marriage thing'?", that they'd spare me this torment? It's worth a try...

Anyway, I believe the point of this post was to talk about responsibility... Ah yes. Last Wednesday, Louise asked me to be a leader at Soul Survivor next year. This is terrifying for everyone concerned (if you've ever met me, you'll understand why). I'm not responsible enough to have a pet. Would you trust me with your children? Granted, youth are not hamsters, but it's still worrying.

It's got me thinking, I'm supposed to be doing youth work at the church in my gap year after my a-levels, now I'm wondering if it's a great idea. It's probably me being paranoid, maybe I can rise to the occasion and all that but in the meantime I'm trying to grow up. Not in the sense that I'm tottering around in high heels, more that I'm actually trying to take responsibility for stuff. More on my inevitable slide into adulthood will be written later, when I figure out how to get police checked, and if stealing doorstops from college counts as an actual offence. If they don't know, then surely..?

I'm so tired. I want christmas to come, for all the wrong reasons. It's not about the religious side of things, it's not even about the presents. I just want to sleep for two weeks. Is that so wrong?