hurt

I hurt myself today

to see if I still feel

I focus on the pain

the only thing that's real.

The needle tears a hole

the old familiar sting

try to kill it all away

but I remember everything.

What have I become?

My sweetest friend,

everyone I know

goes away in the end

and you could have it all

my empire of dirt,

I will let you down,

I will make you hurt.

I wear this crown of thorns

upon my liar's chair

full of broken thoughts

I cannot repair.

Beneath the stains of time

the feelings disappear

you are someone else

I am still right here.

What have I become?

My sweetest friend

everyone I know

goes away in the end

and you could have it all

my empire of dirt,

I will let you down,

I will make you hurt.

If I could start again

a million miles away,

I would keep myself,

I would find a way.

Hurt - Johnny Cash.

Aside from being one of the few songs that actually makes me cry (real crying, not your average tears-in-the-eye stuff), I think that's a beautiful song. My drama teacher thinks it's uplifting. I suppose, it's got that feel to it, major chords and all of that. It's not bleak so much as.. wistful. It's sad, not because the world sucks but because the world's beautiful but we can't stay here forever. I reckon, anyway.

It makes me think of growing old and dying, and everyone around me dying and me being alone. As long as it makes me think of that, it's never going to uplift me. It's good to listen to though, I couldn't say why.

**************

I'm feeling better though. There's far too much fun to be had to go around feeling like shite so I'm getting out of the hole in the ground and starting to appreciate things. I'm enjoying myself. So, yeah, I'm in denial.

*************

I'm listening to: Lucie Silvas, Breathe in.

I'm feeling: Much brighter, much more positive.

Uni stuff: Norwich rejected my application two weeks ago and haven't written to tell me yet. Cowards. If it wasn't for good old UCASTrack I would never have known...

Nothing from Holloway. I'm not worried. I'm not I'm not I'm not... I'm in denial, again.