disciplined

Today I learnt two valuable lessons about how a young lady should conduct herself in matters of social and professional conduct.

I got a verbal warning at work today. I have not fulfilled the terms and conditions of my employment due to unsatisfactory attendance. I feel quite naughty, I haven't been in trouble for ages.

Speaking of trouble, I rediscovered alcohol last night. Beer, to me, smells like vomit. As does wine. But Baileys... Baileys smells like paradise.

I forgot one of the most important things about myself: I don't get very drunk, I get quite drunk and remain quite drunk for extraordinarily long stretches of time. On the Lit trip to the Battlefields of France and Belgium, I took advantage of the lowered drinking age and fell over the next morning whilst reaching for the butter.

Last night I sent some tipsy "i love you!" text messages to several mates. This morning, I woke up and sent some more, but this morning I no longer had the guise of alcohol and the wee hours to cover my indiscretions. I think, I think I might have said too much and ruined a beautiful friendship this morning.

I have this tendency to do bizarre things in my sleep. One morning I woke up and found that my phone had been tampered with. During the night I leaned out of bed, picked up my phone, unlocked it and methodically gone through sections A through C of my phonebook (excluding my friend Boom, for no apparent reason) and replaced every entry (name and number) with random patterns of 6s 0s and *#$ type phrases. Whilst asleep.

From this moment on, I will be at my till at 11am SHARP, every Saturday morning. I will not fall ill, I will not bunk, I will not skive. From this moment on, I will remain sober. I will not booze, I will not wreck and I will SWITCH MY PHONE OFF BEFORE I GO TO BED.