key change

I feel like I've spent the last few years letting my emotions run me, instead of the other way round. Like I've been building up to something, some miracle cure, some giant flood of tears that would take it all away, and now I've realised that, really, that's just bullshit. It doesn't happen that way, there is no crescendo, there is no end. I will always be this way and if I let myself, I'll always feel this way.

Time for some new-year's resolutions, you know how I love them. Stuff like, lose weight, get fit, stay organised, be tidy, sleep, feel better, pray more often... Same as every year, really, so I got specific.

Big six for January '06
1) Stop eating sugary foods.
2) Don't be lazy.
3) Enough self-pity.
4) Trust, love and obey God.
5) Live more ethically.
6) Find fellowship.

Which means no more Coca-Cola (this is going badly), going to church (I haven't had a chance to test this yet) and canning the teenage-angst crap (progress is slow).

But then, progress is always slow. Slow, but beautiful. I feel like I'm waking up after a really long sleep, I feel like I'm going somewhere, I'm not good or bad, I'm just me. I am fine.

This is going to be a happier term.