curtains

15 days until Christmas. Number of presents bought: None. Number of urges to take an axe to the jukebox in the cafeteria: 1,000,000,000 (oddly enough, the exact same amount of times that BandAid has been played on said jukebox in the last week).

Well, that's that. The last night of the Christmas production went very well. The cast turned out brilliant performances, the technical crew didn't miss a single cue, we finished the present on time and, due to a humorous misunderstanding, so did two other groups of people. Dave, Tom and Rebecca (with their three identical sets of presents) were dead chuffed with all concerned. We had a good aftershow party, they brought us champagne, we danced to Bohemian Rhapsody and The Darkness (as only drama students can) and spent an emotional ten minutes giving each other 'well done, I love you' hugs. It was perfect. Really.

Let me give you an insight into how it normally works.
Before I perform, I get nervous. Very nervous. It's not just being scared of messing up, it's the thought that there's gonna be all of those people and I'm gonna be out there in front of them. After the nerves comes the calm. The calm is when it all starts happening and I finally remember to focus, and I can think straight and everything's fine. At the same time that I am calm, I am terrified. That's the buzz; being utterly petrified but completely focused and calm all at once. Then, as stuff finishes, there's the adrenaline. That's the fun part. I get completely hyper and incredibly happy because I've done good and I've got the buzz. It's the most beautiful feeling in the world, second only to the Holy Spirit and complete contentment. I get it every time. It's one of the main reasons why I do drama, performing rocks my socks.

But not this time. This time, these three nights, I didn't get nervous at all. I thought, it could go wrong, but it probably won't, and even if we suck and don't get any laughs, I don't care. No nerves, no calm, no buzz, no adrenaline. I was bored on stage. I know that I wasn't bad, I was good, but I could have been so much better, and I hate that feeling. I'm getting annoyed. I'm on such a downer recently, I can't seem to enjoy anything. It's like nothing's enough to snap me out of this stupid mood I'm in.

Apologies for being so negative recently, the worst is past, I promise. Here are some reasons to be cheerful.

1) We are pushing to have the word baboonatic added to the English language. It's kind of like lunatic, but crazier. Spread it.

2) McDonalds have started selling Curly Fries. McDonalds is a heinous, corrupt, immoral, multinational, greedy, capitalist beast of a company, shamelessly attempting to act like they're healthy and integrity-tastic when they're obviously not. McDonalds restaurant are heinous, eerily cheerful, pikey-infested grease pits, and the toilets are always, always repulsive. However, those Curly Fries are damn good.

3) Idlewild are releasing a new album early next year (www.idlewild.co.uk).

4) 24-7prayer are 5 years old next year, and are having a giant party. (www.24-7prayer.com)

5) BandAid 20 is selling well. The musical part of me wants to weep; the part of me that is a human being is overjoyed. (http://bandaiddilemma.net - for those of you get grizzly like a bear at annoying Christmas songs).

6) There is nothing, but nothing, more satisfying than going to bed when you're exhausted and knowing, deep down, that however awful you feel, stuff will eventually be alright.