yet more reasons why i'm a dork

Emilie, Millie and I went to see Tom's MA performance at Royal Holloway last night. V. exciting for the obvious reasons of seeing Holloway again (I've now been there twice in my life) and also seeing Tom performing. If you don't know, Tom's a drama teacher at college. The tall one. With the sideburns. And the 'vintage' car.

(Take note. The car is important.)

Apart from Emilie scaring seven kinds of crap out of me by suggesting that the performance might involve nudity of the my-drama-teacher variety, it was a very pleasant evening.

(Oh yeah, and we found Tom's car in the carpark.)

We got to chatting to some people and interesting conversations were had about performance artists who make themselves bleed on stage and call it 'art'.

(We may or may not have decided to do funny things to Tom's car.)

Decided that I'm very glad I didn't go to Dartington College, apparently it's as pretentious and wanky as it seemed in the prospectus. No loss there then.

(We may or may not have stuck a balloon, some McDonald's straws and a note saying "you better not be naked in this play or we're stealing your car" to Tom's 'antique' motor.)

Decided that I'm very glad I'm going to Holloway. The lecturers seem great, the students seem great, the place looks just as lovely as it did in January...

(It may or may not have been the wrong car.)

Sigh.

Never mind. The note was addressed to Tom, so if it was someone from the drama department, then at least they'll know who to blame. As far as I know he's the only MA student who invited his juvenile students to watch the performance.

To me it's just further proof of why I should not be allowed out of the house. I blame myself. Yes, Millie supplied the pen and paper, and yes it was completely Emilie's fault for insisting that it was Tom's car but this is the kind of stuff that I just attract. I am a magnet for ridiculous things. There is something inherently bizarre about me.

Yes, I'm aware that I just stated the obvious.

*****

I watched Straw Dogs.

I can see why it was banned from video for thirty years.

You'd think they would have realised that having a giant bear trap in the house was always gonna be trouble. I just knew some poor bugger was gonna be the worst for that thing. Someone as clever as Dustin Hoffman should really have known not to keep it lying around the house.

You'd think I would have realised after the Bowling For Columbine incident I would have realised that watching a film like Straw Dogs late at night was always gonna be trouble.

Luckily I sent Emilie a txt near the beginning asking if there were any really gory bits that I should watch out for. One bear trap, two rapes, three shootings, some cheesewire, some bubbling fat, a dead cat, a bludgeoning, some bagpipe music and the accidental murder of a teenage girl by the local pervert later, Emilie replied to say that no, there was nothing too gory I should watch out for.

Oh well, I watched the damn thing. Am mad hard geezer bird. Am scared of nothing. Except the possibility that I stuck a balloon to the car of one of my future lecturers.