media commentary of the slightly deranged

I did a sketch in drama yesterday, mask work, archetypal characters and all that. It was COMEDY GOLD. No one laughed.
I was like, come on guys, I'm wearing a harlequin mask and smoking a rubber chicken - how could that NOT be funny?

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I would like the whole world to know how completely and utterly un-excited I am by the new Star Wars film. I'm trying so hard to avoid it, because George Lucas is officially on my shitlist for being such a money hungry splodge. As is Ewan Macgregor for growing a beard and covering up almost a third of his lovely lovely face.

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I would also like to express concern over the release of It's All Gone Pete Tong. As interesting as the posters look, any film that's been described as 'excellent' and 'the best British film of the year' by publications such as Zoo and Nuts has got to be shite and should probably not be allowed to exist.

Snob? Myself?

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While I'm dissing what I don't know, I'd also like to express some healthy hatred toward Celebrity Love Island. Over tanned chavs who have done nothing, but nothing, to ever warrant the public's attention gathering on an island to drink lots of free booze and get laid by near strangers.

As fun as it does sound... is this really why they invented TV?

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I've decided to take matters into my own hands. In English on Tuesday my teacher, Jane, had a furious rant about Heat magazine and celebrity worship culture. Caroline and I kept it up all the way back to Sociology, why do they appeal to the lowert common denominator, why do they assume we've got nothing better to do than discuss Victoria Beckham's cellulite, who gives a damn about who's got fake tits??

So, we're making our own magazine. It's called Pompous Pussy. It's written solely for the more civilised lady of the times, with articles, reviews, no breasts in sight and (most importantly) NO CHAV CELEBRITIES. It's snobby, pompous, so far up its own arse it can see daylight and will probably flop after the novelty wears off.

Not that we're ever going to write it, of course.