home alone

Since last we spoke, I've been a busy bee. So, sorry, here's a boring 'documenting everything I've done so when I look back I'll remember these crazy days' post that'll bore you to tears. I love you too.

Thursday brought my last exam, kicking and screaming like a giant three hour baby. Not that I'm comparing the English AEA to childbirth, but you know. You don't? Never mind. It was... interesting. I did a hell of a lot better than I thought I would, in that I actually managed to produce two decent essays, within which were some of the most kickarse sentences that I've ever penned (can't remember them now but damn they were good). Problem is, I have no idea what the examiners were actually wanting me to do. A-levels are about being taught how to jump through hoops. In this exam, I didn't even know which direction I was jumping in, let alone where the hoops were.

Screw it. My college career is over. I'm so sad, but so utterly relieved.

Thursday afternoon I caught the train into Reading to meet up with my girlies from church and we went to visit the Boiler Room. I've been wanting to go to the Boiler Room for ages, but on the one occasion I managed to get there, it had been demolished. You'd think they'd have mentioned that on the website. The new premises are in Caversham. It took us about half an hour to walk there and ten minutes to walk back on account of the shortcut we found.

When we finally arrived (I was wearing flipflops and it had been raining, just to give you an idea of what my mood was like) we were met by a startled looking American pilgrim who I don't think got the message that we were coming, but showed us round anyway and left us to it.

Wow, we said, it's like 24-7prayer all the time. Something in the atmosphere said, well, yeah, no shit.

Have I mentioned recently that I think 24-7prayer is the most brilliant, obvious and simplistic idea that our generation has cottoned onto? Jesus told us to pray continually and, centuries ago, people did. Now we're doing it again and it's the sweetest thing.

Spent some quality time with the man upstairs attempting to sort my head out. We came to the conclusion that the healing process is both long and slow. The size and scale of epiphany I've been looking for is the kind only available with obligatory visit to the pearly gates. I'm never gonna have it sorted. But things can only get easier from here on in.

Instead of keeping my prayers to read back through later (gotta love self-analysis), I borrowed Emma's lighter and burnt them outside. Felt unburdened. Prayers are like incense, they say...

Friday I spent the whole day doing stuff and got nothing done.

Oh yeah, and then we had the Leaver's Ball at Lakeside Country Club. OH YES WE DID. The Vice Squad, a tres cool band made up of teachers, rocked our socks. In short, we discovered that it's more than OK to think that Phil the theatre technician is sexy when he's playing rock star. It's also quite socially acceptable to go fangirl over your teachers when they're playing rock star. But experiencing a deep and inexplicable attraction toward your vice-principal is just icky, rock star guitar solos or no.

I blame Meffie. I would NEVER have had those thoughts if it wasn't for her and her PESKY FANGIRLING!

We laughed, we danced, we fell in hate with Michael Jackson all over again... I remembered why I love Archers and hate alcopops (it's a matter of small change, how much I have and how much those drinks are worth in relation to how nice they taste). Maths is great.

Saturday morning I woke up and decided to go camping. As you do. So off I went to Wellington Country Park with no tent and no cutlery, no pyjamas and no pillow. It was great. I laughed a lot. An awful lot. I can't remember why, exactly, but I remember ranting about how I didn't see why I should feel insignificant in comparison to the stars because they look downright tiny to me and I actually think I'm rather more important than them. I found it extremely funny. Don't know if anyone else did.

This morning we took communion in the park, which was lovely. It seems so much more profoud out doors, like we're coming together through an actual desire to honour Christ rather than because it's boring old church routine. It really touched me today, which I'm glad about, because I'd hate for something like that to become mundane.

Came home to an empty house. Feel a bit sad and lonely. Watched My Beautiful Laundrette. Liked it, but got inexplicably bored halfway through and listened to the Smashing Pumpkins instead. Printed off Pumpkins lyrics from the internet.

Wrote pointless and lengthy post on blog in order to feel productive now that I have nothing to do and no family to fight with.

This is going to be a long week.