if you read to the end of this, have a celebratory smoke

Where did we leave the disposable barbecue? Oh yeah, on the plastic garden table.



That was clever.

Where's my phone? Oh yeah, floating face down in the milk from my corn flakes, where it landed after I knocked it off the table.

Also clever.

Where's the remote control for the DVD? Oh yeah, in the fridge.

Where I left it. Evidently.

When are my parents getting home? When?

********

Things that have been good:

1) Doing the sound for The Hound of the Baskervilles and realising that, hey, I'm not completely incompetent when it comes to technology.

2) Realising that I can borrow CDs from the library and reacquainting myself with Michelle Branch and David Gray.

3) Not being the one who melted the garden table.

4) My phone still working after I drowned it in cereal milk. Although from the postition of the phone, bowl and table, I'd say it's far more likely that it tried to drown itself.

5) Watching Enduring Love and finding that, while it's absolutely nothing like the book, it's actually a stunning film. I wouldn't have cast Rhys Ifans as Jed, but then I wouldn't have had the idea of making him sing "God Only Knows" to freak out Joe, so I'll take my cinematic hat off.

Things that have not been good:

1) The return of Unexplainable Shitty Moods.

2) Not realising that I had to pay to borrow CDs from the library and thus looking stupid.

3) Walking round Yateley for two hours in FLIPFLOPS and ridiculous temperatures and realising that, by glorious coincidence, everyone apart from me was busy doing something. It's hysterical how that only happens when you really need someone to talk to and don't want to go home.

4) My bus-pass expiring. Shit. Am stranded. Don't know how much bus fares cost.

5) People going away to foreign places. Pfft.

Update on my campaign to actually, you know, tell the truth and stuff:

Since I whinged in my last post that I felt like I couldn't say the things I wanted to say, I've said a lot of the things I wanted to say and had conversations with at least three people about how important it is to be real, and truthful. That worked out pretty well.

Interestingly...

Someone said to me yesterday that tortured souls make better writers. They also recommended that I start blogging. Umm. Maybe I should, like, tell people about my blog? Nah.

Things that have happened that have made me say "I SO HAVE TO BLOG THIS!"

1) Emilie flogging me with a rubber chicken and us assuming the roles of a married couple whilst shopping in Tesco.

2) Me being automatically given the role of 'husband'. I think this is unfair. Admittedly Em is a damn sight more feminine than I am, and doesn't burp, swear or throw food across the kitchen when she can't be bothered to walk to the bin but, seriously, which of us is more likely to end up with a WIFE?

3) The long walk I took on Tuesday in which I had an interesting thought about death. I was on the swings by the Red Cross Hut and the swing was creaking kind of ominously (don't laugh). I thought, as I do, about what would happen if the swing collapsed and the thick wooden crossbar fell on my head. I was wondering if that would kill me, if it happened, and whether that would be a bad thing.

This doesn't mean I'm thinking about topping myself, before you refer me to samaritans.org. I was thinking about it in the sense that, if I died right now, would I be pissed off? I came to the conclusion that there's never a good time to die. I'm happy with my lot, as messed up as it may be. I wouldn't exactly be thrilled about it, but how could I stay mad?

4) Chaos on Sunday, the most intense worship I've been part of in a long time.

5) Finding a box of King Edward cigars in my parents' booze cupboard. Wha?