not so good

It's the disproportion that irritates me most. Stupid stupid things that feel like the end of the world.

I lose my wallet, can't find my NUS card and I gave Liz my ID because in any other week I wouldn't need it. I can't go out, I'm all dressed up and everyone's raring to go but me. I've gone crazy with the make-up and everything for Halloween and Gaz tells me I look like someone's punched me in the face. I walk up to Medicine to tell Kate I can't come out, get soaked in the rain. I get home and I've had too much gin, earlier was so much fun but now I'm blue. It's not that big a deal.

It's really not that big a deal. But I can't finish the Sudoku puzzle in the paper and the wind is so totally taken out of my sails tonight. It's really not that big a deal. But with me, it's always a big deal. Sometimes I think I look for reasons to be sad. This is a line of thought that can get me absolutely nowhere. I have work to do. I don't want to. I'm going to stay up all night. I'm going to go crazy.

I'm going to find some other way to cope.